So yesterday, I was watching Sex and The City movie with my roommate. Just a normal night. Besides the fact that this movie revolves around wrapping up all four girl’s storyline with dignity, what struck me was this line by Carrie Bradshaw: “I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” I couldn’t help but wonder why she said that? Because, who isn’t? If you ponder over this for a while, you’ll know why this quote is relevant in today’s times. I have friends who keep summing up their dating life as – “Well…sort of…I mean, we’re not really seeing seeing each other we’re just seeing each other. Do you know what I mean?” The person who has been in this situation (or not) knows exactly what I mean. Because if there’s one scenario that’s become endemic amongst myself and my peers, it’s our inability to define a relationship after one or two years of being together! If you think about it, despite feeling difficult the problems people struggle with in relationship sound pretty trivial. But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying, and irrational romantic love that somehow finds things thrown at walls in a fit of tears pretty endearing! The question that I want to ask is – Do you really feel a connection with that special someone or is it just somebody to hold hands and make out with?

1. Not sure of the relationship status

As I discussed this in the beginning, people have no clue of what they feel for the other person..even after a year or two! Perhaps, they don’t want ‘THE COMMITTED TAG.’ Why? Because people have their own baggage. And some of them have a lot of it. Whether it is a parent who didn’t hold you enough, a father who wasn’t around often, a mother who left you and moved away, being forced to move from school to school as a child and never having friends — all of these experiences leave their mark as a series of micro-traumas that shape and define us. Define us in such a way that we feel scared of committing to someone..because..What if this has the same aftermath?!

Another reason might be that you are an asshole and just don’t care what value all of this has; which brings me to the next point.

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2. Loving jealously

I have also seen people who claim to ‘love jealously’! Seriously, what is that? Getting pissed off when their partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hangs out or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then they proceed to take that anger out on their partner and attempt to control his or her behavior, which they later term it as – Displaying affection! This is crazy as this is controlling and manipulative. And that, is definitely not love! Love should consume you, but not in this way as this is nothing but these are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto your partner.

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